Last night on SpouseBuzz Radio, two of my fellow contributors here at Parents Zone and I talked with AF Wife about what it’s like to have a child in the military and the fear we feel for our adult children (LAW and I managed to monopolize the conversation and Tammy, we sooo need to make this up to you!!) In the 4 years that I have been blogging and through Lord knows how many troop rotations to Iraq and Afghanistan (I don’t think they’re adding numbers to the OIF____ label anymore), I realize and completely accept that it’s universal. Every parent has the same fear for their child/children… and it doesn’t make a difference whether it’s their first deployment or their third. We worry.
Back in December 2004 — before my son even left for his deployment to Iraq — I wrote a blog post about how You Always Worry and talked about how our worry changes as our children grow… as they learned to walk, to run, to ride, to drive… I was talking with a dear, close friend whose Army National Guard son is scheduled for his second deployment to Iraq in 2009 and who recently learned that his unit might go months earlier than originally scheduled. You could hear the worry in her voice and we talked about “the last time” when both our sons were deployed at the same time. I went back and read some of my blog posts back during that deployment, and I discovered how often worry was a topic. Just weeks before my son was wounded, I explained:
It’s a constant 24 hour a day worry that wears on you, grates on you, weighs on you. It’s physically and mentally exhausting. I don’t always realize it but sometimes I wonder why I’m so tired some nights or why I can’t sleep most nights… It’s the worry. The wear and tear of it. It’s like the drone of a motor always on or the hum from fluorescent lights… always there… always present… even when you’re doing other things or thinking other thoughts… it’s THERE. The worry is always there. I know other moms and dads and wives and husbands and sisters and brothers will understand what I mean.
Last year I was speaking with a Major General who is the son of a retired Army Colonel and who is also the father of a fairly new Army Lieutenant. He told me that he had been in the Army 32 years and married for 31 of those… and through his many deployments over his career, he always told his family not to worry as he waved goodbye for one assignment or another to dangerous parts of the globe… but he said it was a whole new world when it was he who stood on the front porch as his own son told him not to worry as he left for his first deployment to Iraq… he told me that sending his child off to war was the hardest thing he had ever done.
So, while the media may be ignoring the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (unless, of course, there is some political point to be made), I know in hearing from parents, spouses, friends and families of our Soldiers and Marines that these are still universal emotions for the families of those who serve. And it matters not whether our children are single, married, divorced, have children of their own… parents STILL worry.
I also know from experience, that a burden shared, is a burden lightened. I know that right now people are consumed with worry about the economy and the election… Lord knows there is plenty of worry to go around. I just ask you to take a moment and remember our troops deployed around the world, about to be deployed and those who are home (because we know that for some the battle doesn’t end on the battlefield)… say a prayer, have a good thought, generate positive energy — whatever it is you do…. remember our Guys… and their families…. thank a veteran… say a kind word… call someone you know who is worrying. It will make your day.
As promised, here is the audio player for the interview we did on SpouseBuzz Radio with Ruthie (airforcewife) . Click the little white arrow to hear the audio.
If you have any problems, you can also listen to the audio by clicking this link:
First - AUSA = Association of the United States Army - This is the Annual Meeting, being held here in the Convention Center in DC. It is MASSIVE!! I haven’t seen this much “brass” (officers Lt. Col and above) in one place in a long time. There is also a HUGE Expo - and lots of “family” support folks. So I trolled the floor for an hour or so - and met some folks who KNOW there is a problem with including the Parents.
Then I went to a Bloggers Roundtable with Maj. General Macdonald - the commander of the Family Morale Welfare and Recreation Command, together with others. They are listening! One of the points brought up, was the fact that there are now Casualty Assistance officers for ALL family members. This means that even if the soldier is married, there is someone else there for the parents. A reporter from Army Times was in the group - she was telling me that early in the war, parents weren’t being notified, the Army thought the spouse would do it, there were instances of divorced parents being indescribably vicious to the “other” parent and not notifying him of the funeral arrangements~ this won’t happen - should I say shouldn’t happen- again. I mentioned the problems with Basic Training and parents being in the dark about what, where, how, graduation, etc. Since I’ve been told the Marine Corps does a splendid job, I told Gen Macdonald - he’s interested in doing the same for Army Parents - so there is hope!
On a much lighter note, Army One Source rolled out something call the vFRG - The Virtual FRG. The way this works - from how it was explained to me - the soldier needs to “register” his family members and that definitely includes parents, and siblings - with the person at the unit that is in charge of the vFRG. You would then be able to sign in, and connect with other family members in the unit. The unit has to request a site, and there are thousands that have done so. When I was at the Army One Source booth (and I’ll be back there today, believe me!) a rather bored Bird Colonel was defending the Army rather stridently when I told him our concerns, seems they have been hearing this - from our very own Some Soldier’s Mom!!! Thank you, SSM - they ARE hearing it!
I’ll report more tomorrow - I’ll be at the convention all day, and I’m going to let PZ Techmama tell you herself about meeting Mrs. (Gen) Gates and the conversation they had about ParentsZone!
Webster defines courage as “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty ”
As we near the sixth anniversary of the beginning of Operation Enduring Freedom (October 7, 2001), we have all seen different kinds of courage.
We’ve seen the kind of courage found on the battlefield. Over and over, we’ve seen what that kind of courage looks like.
We’ve seen a second kind of courage. The kind of courage it takes to overcome wounds and injuries. I wrote a post at Spousebuzz a couple of days ago about how there were 17 Marines who suffered amputations, went through recovery and rehabilitation and are currently serving in Iraq.
As I thought of those young men, I thought that their families had to have a kind of quiet courage as their servicemember dealt with recovery. Here at Parents Zone, we have such a family member in Some Soldier’s Mom SSM’s blog is found here: http://somesoldiersmom.blogspot.com/ (Wordpress is not loving me today).
And still, there is that third kind of courage: the kind that our Gold Star families show us. I can’t even begin to do her courage justice so please just click the link, read her story and share it with others.
For anyone who doesn’t know Soldiers Angels - click here. And then go here - they are giving $2 for each vote they get. So go - click, scroll down and vote for Soldiers’ Angels. Great way to support those who support the troops.
Throughout our history, the men and women of the Armed Forces have put our Nation’s security before their own, doing their duty in the face of grave danger.
On Gold Star Mother’s Day, we pay solemn tribute to the mothers of the patriots lost serving this great Nation.
Gold Star Mothers inspire our Nation with their deep devotion to family and country. These extraordinary women serve their communities, dedicate their time to helping members of our Armed Forces and veterans, and bring comfort and hope to families whose loved ones laid down their lives in the defense of our liberty. Nothing can compensate for their sacrifice and loss, yet Gold Star Mothers demonstrate tremendous courage and resolve while working to preserve the memory and legacy of all our fallen heroes.
On this day, we honor our country’s Gold Star Mothers and remember their sons’ and daughters’ noble service and great sacrifice. We offer them our deepest gratitude and our most profound respect, and we ask for God’s blessings to be upon them and their families.
The Congress, by Senate Joint Resolution 115 of June 23, 1936 (49 Stat. 1895 as amended), has designated the last Sunday in September as “Gold Star Mother’s Day” and has authorized and requested the President to issue a proclamation in its observance.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim Sunday, September 28, 2008, as Gold Star Mother’s Day. I call upon all Government officials to display the flag of the United States over Government buildings on this special day. I also encourage the American people to display the flag and hold appropriate ceremonies as a public expression of our Nation’s sympathy and respect for our Gold Star Mothers.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-fourth day of September, in the year of our Lord two thousand eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.
/s/ GEORGE W. BUSH
God Bless Our Gold Star Mothers… and the families of those who have perished in the service of our country.
My son, Cpl. Dark Prince, USMCR, deployed in March of this year. That day of deployment, as many of you have experienced, is the lowest point in a mil parent’s life. It just sucks like a Dyson, doesn’t it? You are right at the beginning of a deployment. The clock has just started but (thank God) it has FINALLY started!! You walk away after saying goodbye to your son or daughter thinking something like “Well..I don’t have to live that moment again.. at least for now.”
But at the other end of the deployment, there be dragons as well….
For starters, you end up playing homecoming date roulette with your Family Readiness Group/Family Readiness Officer. There’s a “window” of homecoming. That window can be as long as 7 days or as small as two but the bottom line is that nobody really knows when EXACTLY your loved one is coming home at the beginning of the homecoming phase.. It wreaks havoc on those who are coming in from out of state and trying to make hotel/flight reservations. For this deployment, we are in that category. It’s frustrating but trust me…everyone else is frustrated as well. If you are dealing with this right now or soon to be dealing with this, you’re in good company. We all are playing on that roulette wheel.
If you are traveling to a homecoming, make sure that you have the FRG/FRO/Battalion contact phone number. This will be your lifeline once you get to where you’re going and awaiting your loved one doing the same. They will have the latest updates/ changes in times and locations, etc. Tattoo that damned number on your arm if need be but make sure you have it.
Be flexible. In the Marine Corps, we refer to this as Semper Gumby. I know that’s an easy thing to type and I also know that’s not an easy thing to do You.still.have.to.do.it. Things change. Quickly. Be ready for that. As sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, things will change. It’s the one thing you can count on.
Between now and the actual homecoming, there are things that you can do to keep busy. Make a welcome home sign for your son or daughter. I’ve seen some very clever signs so I’m a little intimidated as I contemplate what I want to put on a sign to welcome my son home. I’m not very artistic so if you saw a cute sign at a homecoming, comment here and let me know. I don’t mind being a copycat. I just mind not having a cool sign.
Get with your FRG/FRO and see if they need folks to make the beds in the barracks for the guys coming back. Seriously, if you just got off a 30+ hour flight from Kuwait..the last thing you want to do is make your own bed. This is something that we as milparents/families can do to help welcome our guys home. It doesn’t take long but it does help pass the time as you wait for your loved one to come home.
If your child left all of his civilian clothes at home (mine did as well as giving me some clothes that had been cooking in his room for several days before he left..ugghh!!) , you might want to consider bringing some of them down to him/her. They will just love getting out of their utilities/cammies.
Most importantly, savor the moment of homecoming. You have earned this moment too. Don’t dwell on the stuff you didn’t do or the problems that you had with the deployment. Those are things for another day. On the day of homecoming, pat yourself on the back for surviving and hug your child. Hard. Close. Revel in the moment. There are few moments as joyous as this one.
Gets reported here! we didn’t make the party - which is a good thing, from the pictures I’ve seen!
The actual panel I was on discussed the importance of remembering that the military blog community is NOT just the uniform members, reporting on conditions downrange, or talking about the conditions they are in. The community is held together by the “others”, the parents, the spouses, the volunteers. I won’t be reporting on the other panels, as those are being reported on by the uniform milbloggers - or by other bloggers who could take notes. I find it amusing that most of the uniform bloggers that I have read so far - didn’t report on our panel! But from where I was sitting, on the other panels, there is some debate about our “relevance” (if we have to ask whether we are relevant, I’d say we probably aren’t), some debate about how milblogs should be “used” or whether we need some sort of training.
Secretary Geren was on the phone for a while, on a different panel. I met with his assistant, who told me that one of the authors you have been enjoying here - Some Soldier’s Mom - has been on his Roundtables and informing the Secretary of Army (in her own inimitable and no nonsense fashion) that Parents aren’t being heard, and that single soldiers need more from the Army when they are offduty. The assistant told me that SecArmy is very happy to hear from SSM and she was very kind in allowing me to get put on the list for Roundtables as well. This is where I may be able to bring up what YOU - The Parents and Siblings, Aunts and Uncles, grandparents and friends - want him to hear.
At the Milbloggie awards - SOME SOLDIER’S MOM won the Milbloggie for Parent’s sites. CONGRATULATIONS! As soon as she gets a chance, I’m hoping to get some more posts from her.
We’ll be putting up the survey results soon. I’m still trying to get some rather well known names to answer the survey - if you can think of someone that is in the public eye we should send the survey to, let us know.
